Good Morning A'merrrcahh

So now that you have had the pleasure to get to know a little bit about my new BFFFFFs  I thought I would share their morning beauty routines. Let it be noted, we all share a four person, double suite with a living room. Meaning it is two double bedrooms with a living space in between. On the right side is a toilet and sink bathroom and on the left side is a shower and sink bathroom.

Me: I am a morning person, I like to get up about 2 hours before I need to be somewhere to shower, blow dry, make up etc. Its a pretty easy routine. And I do most of it at my desk in my room as to stay out of peoples way.

Ratchel: This very special lady takes about 2.5 hours to get ready in the morning. And she is not a morning person. What could possibly take that long to do in the morning you ask?? Well I suppose it takes a long time to shower and blow dry your hair. And then wait for your straightener to warm up and use that. And then have to wait for your curling iron to heat up so you can use that too.
Lets review, she 1) blow drys her hair, 2) Straightens her hair and 3) Curls her hair.
Important Question: is this normal? As a person with stick straight hair who has never touched a straightener in my life, I don't quite know the protocol of these things.  But, to me it would appear very redundant to straighten and then curl your hair. Not to mention terrible for your hairs health.

So once she is done frying her hair to crispy little wisps, she proceeds to apply a heavy coat of make up. I think my favorite part of this process is the obscenely loud rap and party music blaring from her speakers. take note it is still only about 7 in the morning. But she seems to party all day. I mean who doesn't want to sing "SHOTS SHOT SHOTS" at 7 am after just crawling out of bed?

I don't really know what happens after this point. I usually flee the room for safety reasons.

SWAGG: Swag  is soooo not a morning person. So usually if I see her, I stay the hell out of her way. She seems to believe she owns the shower side bathroom bc her room is on that side. I learned this the hard way. Since Ratchel often times has all the outlets otherwise engaged on "our" side of the bathroom, I decided it would be ok to blow dry on the other side. LOL. I tried not to disturb all of Mo and swags make up, hair extensions, used tissues and various other bits of shit on the counter as I plugged in my hair dryer. I was not 3 min in when swag shows up and gives me the most evilest of evil eyes. Like looks at me like she owns the place and I am a trespasser. Like hello bitch its called a suite, we have to share. Bottom line is I didn't think being on the hulks bad side was worth it so I do all my hair drying in my room now.

Mo: Mo is not seen or heard or seen in the mornings. She seems to get up late, get dressed in her room and keep to herself. She is a night shower girl so she stays out of my way, I stay out of hers and we get along just fine.

So thats basically how my mornings go. But they are nothing compared to my evening... stay tuned, it gets so much better!!

Meet the Frosh-men

Hello! And welcome to this blog of mine.  Here you will find all kinds of wonderful stories about “colorful” people-- namely, my suite mates. Let it be known I went random in signing up for housing here at university. I assumed by doing this I would get paired up with my new best friend for life. Wow was I wrong. Seriously, it’s laughable how wrong I was.

So I have decided to keep a catalog of all of their shameless escapades. Mostly this is just a reality check for me, a way to assure myself that this is indeed not normal behavior. And I also just think they are so damn weird that the rest of the world might find some pleasure and humor in these ridiculous tales.

So if you have any comments, questions, suggestions or relatable stories HMU in the comments below!

A [not so brief] overview of characters:

ME: I am a freshman economics major. A bit of a nerd- but I know how to have fun. I don’t enjoy breaking laws and I mostly just fly under the radar. I like to read books and watching syfy TV shows on Netflix. Basically I am a normal girl, here at school for a healthy balance of school and fun. The craziest thing I do to my appearance is dye my hair different shades of dark brown and auburn rather frequently. I am really the dream roommate, quiet, keeps to themselves, up to hang, uses headphones, whatever. So hopefully this gives you a baseline when hearing of my new roomies.

Ratchel: This is a self-proclaimed nickname she has given herself. As in she is ratchet as hell. If this phrasing befuddles you let me start with the urban dictionary definition of “Ratchet”

                Ratchet: A diva, mostly from urban cities and ghettos that has reason to believe she is every man’s eye candy. Unfortunately, she’s wrong.
                Typical signs to beware of include but are not limited to:
·         Owning a blackberry
·         BLARES anything by Drake, 2Chainz, Nicki Minaj, Gucci Mane, Waka Flocka, Lil Wayne, T-Pain, Cali Swag District, or any other garbage entertainment rapper.
·         Has weave reminiscent of a bird’s nest after a tempest hit the tree it was in, and is dyed at least thrice.
·         Wears torn leggings (Mostly of the fishnet variety), unpolished 8” heels (or higher depending on how god awful they look), fitted jean jackets (to accent the blubber ‘round their arms and stomach), and 4 layers of caked on make-up to go clubbing
·         Repeatedly use ludicrous terms such as “YOLO”, “swag”, “boost”, “beaking”, “doe”, “really”, “naw”, “Actually”, “twerk”, “coaster”, “dagga”, etc. to make a valid statement when they speak
·         Have side bangs, despite having incredibly small ass foreheads to support them.
·         Are commonly over weight and are mind numbingly stupid;  a safe assumption to make would be saying they’re uneducated.
If spotted please report to the authorities, notifying them that they are possible smack addicts, or potential, degenerate Chaka Khan look alikes.

So I hope this helps you get more of a feel for this girl. She is truly ratchet. The part that is hard to understand is the fact that she is a math major and supposedly semi intelligent. So far there has been no evidence to confirm this theory.

She has extremely bleach blonde hair in a middle part. She enjoys wearing animal prints, black, revealing shirts, pants and skirts that show off her “big booty” and has adorned her body with many random tattoos and piercings; most of them being rather detrimental to her overall appearance. YAY Ratchel!! I’m sure you will all come to love her just as much as me.

SWAGGGGG:  this would be suite mate number one. She is also rather ratchet. She is one of those people who came to school to get shit faced every night and screw around. She has very few social skills besides offering booze or her body to people.  She has a very peculiar sense of style. It would appear to be a cross between the nastiest part of forever 21 and wet seal or pac sun. By this I mean it is a lot of neon, ill-fitting tops and ass bearing high-waisted bleach dip dyed cut off jorts. Lots of jorts.  And let it be said, this is not a small girl.

Other hobbies include:

·         Smoking anything

·         Getting huge ugly tattoos

·         Making rude faces

·         Getting trashed

·         Talking about getting trashed

·         Attempting to purchase alcohol with her fake ID (and failing mostly)

·         “watching TV” with gross skateboarders and wrestlers in her room.

·         Making everyone feel awkward and strangely violated.

As you can see she is a keeper. Who wouldn't want to be her best friend?

Mo: Mo confuses me. She seems like a nice girl, she is cute and funny, yet she hangs with swaggg always. They are even part of the same sorority. Mo seems to want to be more like swag. In the past week she has already decided she needs to get a tattoo as well and work on not being such a “pussy drinker”—I chose to believe she means she cant hold her liquor and not some perversion she has.

I’m a little worried for the girl. But she seems to be enjoying herself so we will just have to see where that goes.

So that’s the low down on the roommates. Hopefully you now have a grasp on each of their characters. I cant wait to get into the stories I have of these girls. They are totally ratchet.